This Sunday afternoon, June 6, I found myself in the vastness of Kenon, floating amongst some things. Identical specs of matter. Democritus called this tiny thing atomos (from atomon = uncuttable) or atomus in the plural. The singular form, however, appears superfluous since they always occur in pluralities. There was no noticeable order.
At this moment I became aware of the fact, everything in the tangible world (where my physical part lives) is formed through those atomus being arranged. I was filled with childlike wonder. I opened up to any answer.
I saw clusters containing innumerable atomus. I sensed a force-field amongst those clusters, holding the atomus in a structure. A view opened, where I saw, all beings and things made from numbers of identical atomi being held in a grid. I saw the oneness in all.
I noticed the potential of another force-field concentrating around me.
I saw myself. I was made of twenty to thirty strikes of lightning meeting at one point. Momentarily, my view expanded and I saw endless numbers of lightning balls, like myself, in the distance, in all directions. I did not have to turn around, I saw them all at once, I was able to look in all directions at once.
Everything was floating in a gentle swaying motion, an endless ocean.
A cluster and I drifted closer together. Amongst the atomus, I saw a force-field as a softly iridescent coloured hue with sparkles through it. It was almost even. There were small sections where the colours were dull. As I watched them, they started shining again.
Floating along, I watched atomus approaching each other, coming from all directions and forming a structure. At one moment, all of a sudden, the coloured hue switched on. Something had been created, and life occurred in it.
I now realised that I had been drawn closer towards this forming cluster. A field of tension, with gentle intention, had pulled the specs into formation. As soon as the structure was built and alive, the tension faded.
Softly, harmonious, caring, omnipresent was the rich sound of stillness. Nurturing and caressing. Permeating and supporting.
It took me a long time to realise that there was another place. It was my duty, obligation, a vow I had made, that I had to let go of this and return to this other place I had forgotten for a while.
As I moved, the sound of stillness took on an air of longing. The force-fields of creating and maintaining, which I had felt before, arose again, reached out to me, not holding but hugging me goodbye, no struggle. My desire was to stay, my knowing knew, I had to return to the other place.
Writing this last paragraph, feelings swell up, memories from the time when I left Germany, over thirty years ago. My friends had organised to meet in the departure launch at the Frankfurt airport. I had never seen all my friends together in one place. I was overwhelmed.
They stood in a semi-circle and looked at me. I was intensely aware of all the individual relationships. At this moment, my desire was to stay and forget my migration to Australia. My knowing knew I had to go, I didn’t want, but I consented and followed.
06 September 2015