Words follow, trying to express a sensation, internal/external.
I was deep inside, far outside myself.
A short time. A second, or less, or more?
How many words are needed to capture IT?
No thoughts, but words for me to remember this moment.
IT was all around me.
Soft, warm, caring. Between me and IT, the division was the sense of I. IT is vast. IT gives. No expectation, no conditions, relentlessly. IT gives without question or judgement, indiscriminately. Life. IT gives me more of all I am asking for. Anything I ask for, with no hesitation or delay.
A sense of fear: Anything I ask for? Even: “I am not well. I don’t have enough. I am unwanted.” Does this mean IT is careless? Does IT not care what happens to me, when I am so stupid and ask for something hurting me, killing me?
Why would IT?
IT gives to everyone in the whole the universe.
IT has provided in this way since IT created all. Look! Perfection is almost everywhere. Obviously. I see this so clearly, this immense beauty. When all out there is so perfect, the huge universe, why would IT make me imperfect?
Why would IT single me out? Me, in comparison, a tiny part of a minuscule number of microscopic beings. IT does not separate me out: “All and everyone but you.” The clarity is so strong; I have to accept: I am perfect, too. I am beautiful. I am part of this beauty out there. Oh no!
I asked. Serves me right.
IT has given like this for a long time, IT gives, and IT will give.
IT always gave me.
During many millions of years. Some ten thousand years ago, I learned to give bad to others, and I have received badly. This is, where all suffering comes from. I have changed, IT has not. IT still gives what I ask for. Nothing has changed since billions of years, and IT will never stop.
Somewhere I knew: “All I need to do is to ask, the way a child asks.” Essentially, doubtlessly believing that I will receive what I am asking for. What stops me? A demarcation built by me. I can remove the barrier? Why don’t I? I did. IT came through, instantly, and filled me.
When my life changes, immediately after I asked and it correlated with the way I am meant to be (without me being aware), then I know that this is the way I am to be.
I heard the word grounding loudly, repeated like a bell chiming in the sound of the voice of my friend. Grounding, grounding, grounding.
I connected with the Earth. Instantly, a strong surge of heat and expansion rushed through me. I expanded and disappeared as ‘I’. There was flow, and I was the flow, and I was here and there at the same time.
I tried to talk about it, afterwards. There were hardly any words coming. I fumbled because I wanted to share out of caring.
During the day after,
… today as I am writing, I can recall the feeling, but not as strong. I can hardly believe IT happened. I encourage myself, and since I am a visual person, I create images.
Electricity is always there. In the wall of the house, in the power lines all over of the country and in the power stations. I can see its outer, the cables, switches and power points but I have no sense of it. I plug in a lamp, but nothing happens.
The most I could do, connect a voltmeter into the circuit and it would indicate the presence of electricity. But, when I move the switch and the light comes on. Is this magic? No, everyone tells me, this is how electricity works.
Electricity gives as soon as I connect with it. It has been there waiting for me patiently. It does not say: “Let me think about it. Maybe, today I don’t want to illuminate your lamp.” Or the heater, or television? Would the television turn itself off for your protection, because at the moment, they are telling lies, or what they show it is not good for your emotional disposition?
Through experience I know, electricity exists.
All I need is, put the plug in and move the switch and the rest happens, and I enjoy listening to the music, I am not marvelling over the fantastic, incredible power of electricity.
This feels right. Or, it is like sitting in a bathtub and enjoying the warmth and comfort. The fun starts, when I pull the plug, and it all gurgles out.
IT fills me up, like when I open the tap with the water hose connected but the left nozzle closed. The hose straightens feels solid, the pressure is building up. This was my feeling. And when I open the nozzle, water flows. The water hose becomes unimportant, my focus is on what I am doing with the water.
Why does it not work right now? Why don’t I remove the barrier? It looks too high, too solid, too big. I don’t know what it is made of.
When I look at a big painting or a photograph of a wall from several meters distance? It looks absolutely real. But I know, it is a painting, a photograph and it is only as thin as the paper it is printed on. I know, I could push through it easily.
My wall could be an image, and image designed and projected by me, onto something as thin as a sheet of paper, the screen of my imagination. How could I find out? I go there and push against it. Why don’t I go and do it?
I have, and I will try again. Do it again. I did it again. I know how, now. Funny, what’s next?
Three days later:
I struggle. I ask, and immediately my mind comes in with doubt and ridicule. My mind decides. When I ask for something specific, it is my mind who selects and formulates the request. With thought comes doubt and the end of hope.
When there is a deep need, when I call out for help, then the request is not initiated by the mind.
My intention is to connect with IT and with the Earth. The flow happens by itself. I know, I feel IT. I trust, no worries. I don’t have to decide what I need or want, the mind does not need to get involved, nothing to do. IT is all good, that’s all IT knows.
That’s all… IT knows.
When logging in, some websites offer a tick box ‘keep me signed in’… I ticked the box to be kept signed in with IT.
Deciding to think nothing, to do nothing, to surrender is a thought… Bugger.
16 October 2014